Thursday, September 6, 2012

Back-Ass Halfwords

Blogwriting is a backwards, infuriating mess.  If you are new here, right now, all you've got are, what, these twenty or so words and sometimes a snappy (see above, what does that even mean?) title.

Click, you are gone.

See what I mean.  What if I'd shown you this first? Perhaps with a quirky little in, like:

You might remember me lamenting the loss of the boys 'take home folders' when school ended in the spring, well, the fodder faucet is back on, it's going to rain nonsense and cuteness for another nine months:

"I like me.  I like to play soker (soccer).  I like to ride my bike. I like to go to school.  I like flawrs (flowers).  I like the day.  I like to read.  I like cantre (country) mucik (music).  I like trees.  I like my techer (teacher).  I like 2 (second) grade

"I like me.  I like sports.  I like me.  I like music.  I like me.  I like my friends.  I like me.  I like aninals (animals).  I like me.  I like going to school.  I Lov-e me"

And then, to help clear up the text, I would use my handy-dandy child to adult decoder ring, which you know nothing about although I have referenced it dozens of time in previous blogs and first introduced in this post.

Next I might say something cute or heartwarming or snarcastic or self effacing or tender like, say:

The assignment must have been (and here I am desperately hoping) something to do with 'I Like Me,' because, if it wasn't I have some seriously narcissistic kids here.  I love how N spells soccer, 'soker' and I adore how he butchers music into 'mucik.'  Seriously, how wrong is that? 

Z's letter is more on point, he states 'I like me' no less than five times and sums up with 'I love me.'  And you know what?  He does love himself, and he likes himself, they both do.  Actually, it's something we have discussed; liking yourself is incredibly important, not in a self-serving-look-at-me sort of way, but in a deeper way, knowing that you like yourself makes liking others, loving others, easy, and obvious.

Already, you may have noticed, I highlighted some phrases above and linked them to previous blogs.  Now I don't want to do too much of that too early on in the post or you'd stop there, go to a past post and, tragically, you might leave.  Also, if I've done it right, I have them open in another window in hopes that you will open it and finish this post then, go back in time to read the antecedent of the remark or reference to which I just referred.  Whaaaa?

I know, it's confusing.  Ideally, if you've never been to ihopeiwinatoaster before, you should go to the very first post, 'Ain't It True' and read forward, yes forward, in time, then you would be all caught up and ready for a new post.

Get it?  Neither do I...

In a typical post I might sum up with something like this:

I am happy the boys are back in school, and not for all the reasons you'd expect.  It is not because I was tired of them and their constant badgering of me to play Wii and computer games and baseball or feed them; not because we were getting on each others nerves here in the muggy heat of August in the Ohio Valley or because my ass hurts from bike riding and my shoulders hurt from tossing them around in the pool, which was fine when they weighed twenty six pounds but is tearing me up now that they've doubled that; and not because I WANT SOME FRIGGIN' TIME TO MYSELF!!!

No, it's really not any of that.  The reason I am happy they are back in school is really simple:  They deserve it.  They deserve to be respected and taught and disciplined and celebrated, read to and sung to. They deserve have expectations fulfilled, dreams nurtured and friendships deepened; they deserve our respect and our admiration  They are important and I, no, we, love them.

Oh, and I did need some fresh content for this blog.

So, that's where I'd end things.

And then, as I like to do at the end of the majority of my posts, I might add...

From Marci's '...things you don't expect to hear from the backseat...'  (A cute little feature I introduced in this post.)

"Ah, weaponry ... it is the way to go."

Finally, I say something cutesy and end it with an ellipse, because I like ellipses, or ellipsi, or whatever...

However, that's not what I want to do today.  Here is what I wanted to do today:

I have been thinking a lot about how I have not been very anonymous on this blog.  This is a big deal in the blogger world and there are at least a dozen several a lot a jabillion posts an a jabillion blogs talking about it varying form the excitable "never reveal anything" position, which some bloggers do brilliantly, to a "just be yourself" attitude.

The first position is, I would have to say, probably the wisest, and, it leads, in it's inherent annonymity, to a freedom of expression that I would love to have at times.  You can make fun of your neighbors and your family, you can rant on about politics, you can tell lengthy,  engaging and hilarious stories, both debaucherous and raunchy,  from your college years.  You can cuss, a lot, something I have chosen to try and limit, and you can be painfully, tragically honest.

However, and this is controversial, you risk seeming disingenuous or, dare I say it, fictitious.  I read some anonymous blogs and, honestly, I feel like I am reading a novel, albeit backwards.  The mothers are so perfect and crafty and interesting and involved; or, on the flip side, the dads are so grumpy or crunchy or hip or colorful or sensitive or whatever, I end up feeling like I am reading the words of a caricature.

But, the second position worries me as well.  I see bloggers posting millions of pictures of their beautiful families, mentioning the street they live on, where they work, their friends' names, the names of their kids' friends, their cup size, even their cell phone numbers.  It seems like a little too much, a little too, well, risky.

Now, truth be told, anyone who wanted to know anything about me could simply google me and find everything out I mentioned above (except my cup size, which I will never divulge) in about twenty seconds.  However, I don't try to make it easy or obvious.

I guess I would worry more if more than twelve people read these posts, if I had an international following, or if this guy immortalized me in a Lego video, but, for right now I will go on as I have been, somewhere in between.

1 comment:

  1. I would so love to be immortalized in a JW Lego movie. :) I started out very anonymous, and have slowly worked my way into photos. You will never see a full face photo of the boys though, not until they are over 16 at least. I must be better than I thought though, because a follower of mine started working with me recently and she has to back track sometimes to figure out who is who in real life. :)

    Blogging is funny. I figure if someone wants to know the history they will put it in the search box and read it themselves.... or inbox me privately. But mostly I think many people just like the snippets.... it's after years of following that you really want to know the history of someone's story. even now, I only have a few that I follow like that and a lot of it is through personal emails not necessarily the comment stream.

    What ever you do... just keep writing it down. You'll blink and forget all these things the kids do and say sooner than you think.