Monday, April 29, 2013

"... what I was trying to say ..."

"Uhgggghhh!  I can't remember what I was trying to say..."  Nick said this during a conversation at dinner the other night and, I have heard Z say it as well.  And... I find it comforting to know that the fresh, new brains the boys are using brainfart just like mine does.  I very often loose track of the conversation or forget what I was just watching on cable.

Also, there is destinesia.  You know, when you reach your destination and have no reason why you are there.  I like to think I coined this word about twenty-five years ago, but, I have no proof.   It helps knowing that the boys do it to.  I found Nick in the guest room sort of slowly spinning in a circle, with a perplexed look on his face.  I asked him what he was doing and he answered, slowly: "I.  Don't.  Know."  (I employ the same slow spin and confused look technique when I have no idea why I am in the room as well, I can only assume it's genetic.)

As a quick aside, when I worked in kitchens, it seemed daily I would find someone standing in a dry-storage room or a walk-in refrigerator, with that look on their face, the I-can't-remember-what-I'm-looking-for stare.  I learned that you were always very close to what you'd forgotten so I always told people it was probably right in front of them, like literally.  It worked an awful lot.

Anyhoo, Zack sort of takes things to higher level by embracing what the medical community calls Nutty Professor Syndrome.  When you find a child trying to put on a second pair of underwear, wearing jeans for bed, standing in a hallway with two pair of shoes and no pairs socks when he should have had one of each, or any such misguided silliness, he might have NPS.  It's painfully cute.

Here's the thing, the other day, when N said he couldn't remember what he was trying to say, I heard the word trying.

"That's not what I am trying to say."

"What I am trying to say is..."

We have all said these, I do all the time.

It seems we spend a lifetime trying to say it right and forgetting what we are trying to say.

Like here on ihopeiwinatoaster, I could easily be accused of forgetting what I was trying to say.  I let me get in the way too often.  I have reconciled that to my conscience by pretending that someday the boys will enjoy knowing a little bit more about me because of some revealing words here on the web.  Yeah...

But honestly, I am trying to find the right words.  Words are wily and difficult to control.  They walk, in my mind, hand-in-hand with emotion and imagination and ego and dreams and hopes.  I try to get them to tell you things, but, I fail sometimes, succeed others, but, I am better for the trying.

I can only guess that the reason I like the images I put up here is because it is easier to show a little picture and note it's silliness, sweetness and worth than it is to describe with failing, fettering words the impact it may have had upon me.  I could write a thousand words about every image I put up here, and I have, but, those words can't make the visceral, instant impact that is visual.

For instance I went to dump the recycling bin into the big bin in the garage and just before I dumped I saw these:

My tortis (tortoise) is looking for food.  He loves grass.

My turtle is funny

I chuckled out loud when I saw them atop the unrinsed cans and milk jugs.  Simple, arbitrary and, for me, essential.  I can't really tell you why, but I'm trying.

That turtle is funny, now that I have been told.

What I am trying to say is, well, I am trying here.  Trying to show them them; you me; you them; them me.  See what I mean - words are hard to wrastle.

From Marci's "... things you don't expect to hear from the backseat ..."

"Dad, when will we have bacon again?"

*a life or death question in our house*

There's always more to a story; isn't there?  Zack asked me that from the living room as I was in the kitchen, as he said it I was staring at three tomatoes in a bowl.  I knew I had frozen bacon in the freezer.  I micro-thawed it, fried it up and twenty minutes later we were eating BLTs with a nice fruit salad and some chips.  Later, I was trying to decide whether to have stuffing or mashed potatoes with the roast turkey breast, I asked the boys.  They agreed on mashers and then Nick said:  "Oooohh, with bacon."  Yes baked potato mashed with bacon and sour cream and cheese and white pepper and Kosher salt.

I love bacon day ...


  1. My apologies. I had a reply worked out but destinesia took over.

    1. I'm sorry, what were we talking about?