Rantworthy

Everything is so complicated these days, and by everything I mean everything.

Okay, honestly, I can rant.  Anyone who knows me well knows that.  My problem is, and I don't think I have ever acknowledged this before, I look absurd silly ridiculous cartoonish stupid or any number of like-minded adjectives when I rant.  I just don't look, well, credible.

In the back of my mind I have always known that.  I have a curious talent for separating myself from a situation and viewing it as I live it.  So, there are times that I have actually laughed, out loud, at myself as I went on and on about something unworthy of such vehemence, like the opening ceremony for the Olympics...  "oh, look, we are The British Isles (or whatever they call themselves this century) and we conquered and invented and invaded and corrupted and alienated and oppressed everything and everyone, we are empire builders, remember.  Yeah, today, not so much..."

See now, that's what happens.

I have made it a point not to rant here, I just didn't want ihopeiwinatoaster to have that feel, I try to be tender and nice.

So, I won't go on about how complicated computers are these days, how simply unreliable and unpredictable they can be; I mean sometimes, when I turn my computer off, which takes about four freakin' minutes, and turn it on again, which takes about four freakin' minutes, everything is all rearranged and the screen is crowded with programs begging to be updated like eager seven-year-olds, hoping I pick them first.  What the hell! I didn't ask for any of this crap and I sure as hell would not put the "recycle bin" in the middle of all those folders where I put important stuff!  The "recycle bin" belongs in the corner all by itself, everyone knows that except the stupid computer.  Arghhhhh... and why does Wordstarter 2010, the overcomplicated, ad filled, piece of pretentious crap of a word program, take over every damn Word document I create, and why does it take so long to load.  Oh and what about Blogger, did somebody's grandmother design that interface...

Uh, oh.  I got Popoed.  It's a new widget I installed on my blog that warns me when I am starting to get ranty.  Yeah, sorry there.  I downloaded the image for the widget with a drawing I got from N.  One day, not long ago, the  boys and I were sitting at the table doing crafty things and, as I watched, I was junior ranting about some crap, "how things were when I was a boy..." or... I don't know,  possesive pronouns, anyway, midrant N handed me Popo.

"It has the same letters as poop, it's a cow saying poo-poo," he said.  Which is funny.

It also is synonomous with crap, and, obviously, bullshit.   (I believe that boy just called me out, didn't he?)

The Rantdector (trademark registered) is also personalized to detect your specific rants after an intense survey of questions designed to determine what you rant about and why.  It's very sophisticated software.

For instance if I were to begin something about prayer (which I have, I hope) or God or Truth or Love, even Charity... see nothing.  I sometimes forget to pray and at the end of the day, I regret that.  However, I really don't see why some people think they have to pray through a Saint to get God's, attent-

See!  Pretty handy there, eh?

I believe in reaching out to others.  I am open to those not like me, and, I think people who are different from me are absolutely more interesting than I am.  I know about myself, I don't know about you.  I've known people from all religions and have always gotten along just fine with them, same with people of a different political feel as mine.  Honestly, I try to think and act locally.  This globalization crap is for the birds.  How can I care about-

Whoa, that's a pretty good questionnaire they got there.  I thought I might be able to sneak one in with that.

Anyhoo, things are too complicated, and, this no one will admit, we all think so.  Do you love your smartphone, or is it as frustrating as it is useful?  Do you think your computer is easy, really?  What about your cable provider, your internet connection, your Wii, Netflix or FaceBook?  I mean, how is fencing the most complicated sport I've ever see?  It's two kids with sticks.  Nothing is easy, I guess to natives of this technological jungle it all seems negotiable but, then why are they buying music on vinyl again; why do Harry Potter books fly off the presses into the eager hands of millions of young people?

And why do we let it all get in the way of our lives with our kids?  Every handy technodevice (I just accidentally typed 'technodivide') seems perfectly designed to get between me and my kids, my wife, my God my soul.  Why is that?

Hey, where's Popo?

I long sometimes for a simpler life, simpler needs, simpler wants.  I feel sorry for my boys, even childhood seems so complicated; have a seven-year-old explain Pokemon or LEGO Ninjago to you if you need proof.  I mean, when I was their age I didn't have so much to worry about; well, except the Vietnam War, and cheating politicians, and a bloody, too-long-in-the-making battle for Civil rights-

Right, looks like I just got a warning there.

Slow down a little, simplify.  Let the kids do what they want, be cool, love each other, uncomplicate.  I hold a glove, a boy holds a glove, another boy holds a glove.  A ball is tossed around in a circle.  It's easy, I promise.

Wow, I totally expected to get Popoed there with the baseball thing again, maybe this thing does know what's important to me.

From Marci's '.. things you don't expect to hear from the backseat...'

N:  "I am the dancing police. I fight crime while dancing."
*then later, when play fighting with his brother ...
N:  "Ooo wait! I'll use my dance moves!"
*the opponent was stunned and confused by this and was defeated.

When you're a Jet, you're a Jet...

(I have received no monetary compensation from the makers of The Rantdector (trademark registered) and my opinions are totally my own, in fact if it were up to me-)

Crap.  Hey, at least it closed the parenthesis for me.