Situation Coming Available
Wanted:
Hat, Baseball style. No trilbies, fedoras or pork pies need apply. Gentleman is over fifty and from a rural background and is not a hipster, more an oldster. No boaters or berets, flat caps, fezzes or fruit hats either, although silliness could be considered.
Position:
Slightly tilted to the right... on head.
Background:
Currently, a circa 2004 green Reds hat with snap adjuster and stains around the band is considering retirement and has limited engagements to mowing and late night baseball watching. It has become somewhat anti-social.
Requirements and Comments:
- Must be circular and have a bill.
- Color is negotiable, nothing too garish.
- Must be empty and prepared to be filled with memories of boys and baseball and campfires and guitar solos and sweaty soccer games and bitter cold sled rides... and dust and dirt.
- Must be capable of both harboring and fostering dreams and hopes, ideas and principles.
- Must be resistant to heartbreak and ache.
- Must be able to withstand small blows to ego and assaults from low-hanging branches and high-leaping, mischievous boys and an occasional throw to the ground in anger or disgust.
- Must not smell of sweat and broken dreams and woodfire and pine pollen and canvas and the past.
- Must be open to getting wet in pools and lakes and rain showers and sleet storms and water fights under the trees.
- Must love unconditionally and be prepared for any sunset, sunrise or bad haircut.
Compensation:
Unprecedented loyalty from owner. Lifetime gig. Meet new and interesting people Enter into established relationships with kind and loving wife, sweet and tender nine-year-old twin boys, two cats and an occasional old friend or colleague. Will be invited to watch boys grow up, maple trees turn golden, and an occasional episode of Downton Abbey.
Contact: You will find me, you always have.
This is not the first hat I've had to replace in my days. I can think of four others. A short-brimmed sort of ear-flapped plaid red jobby I always liked as a boy; an old-timey wool Yankees hat I bought when I lived in NYC, it was hot as hell but never got smelly - I lost it to the wind on a ferry on the East River; a red nylon hat with a gray bill I got in high school and always liked because it had a patch of some sort that I'd torn off but the threads still remained, I thought that funny - it's gone now, the last time I remember seeing it was in a box of rags and ashtrays I left in a house in Athens, Ohio.
There is also this hat I wore through most of my college years, building sets and painting walls and flats and hanging lights and drinking beer. I haven't worn it in twenty years, but I knew right where it was and the hopes it still held the instant I thought of it. Old friends are like that.
It says "Kewaunee Engineering Corporation." It jumped off a hat rack and onto my head in Wisconsin in the mid-seventies. Yep, it found me...
I took another picture when I was trying to get some images of my green Reds hat (honestly, I laugh every time, a green Reds hat, that's hilarious).
I took this candid and, when I got to thinking about it, that's pretty much me distilled. That tired old cap, an apron underneath, a threadbare but still toasty Bean field jacket and my handy black bag. Nick and Zack will probably recognize all of these things as the years unfold and fold back on to themselves. I will too...
From Marci's "... things you don't expect to hear from the backseat..."
Dad: "Would you guys like to go to a football game?"
Both: (no hesitation, in unison) "No!"
Nick: "You are asking the wrong people."
My work here is done...
You know, the more I look at it the more I think it'll be alright for a while longer. I think I'll throw it in the washer one more time with a little Lysol and some detergent. Who am I kidding? I can't quit this old hat, it's too damn full.
Thanks for coming around today, I always like knowing you'll show. My best to you.
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