Don't mind me...
I am blogjacking this thing today to do work internally, just the staff and I. Well, really, I guess I just need someplace to keep a few notes. Sometimes I have great ideas for posts and stuff and I just need them all in one place so I decided I'd dedicate a day I usually wouldn't post to listing these here, where they'd be handy, you know.
If you want to know the truth, you see...I am technically, uh, naive. I don't twitter. I don't even think I have seen an actual one in my life, a tweet, that is. I know that makes me more than a bit suspicious. Honestly, I hardly ever text, it seems so tedious.
Also, I don't like to bother people, like right now, I feel like I am bothering you, wasting your time by telling you about how I don't like to bother people. So, I can't imagine I'd really ever get up the courage to, I do not know the correct verbiage here, compose(?), and distribute(?) a tweet, do I capitalize that? I just can't figure what I'd say in so few words that would justify interrupting you like that.
I always feel like I text at the wrong time as well. I'd hate to interrupt a meeting my wife is in with a "boing" or "ribbit" or whatever her text ring is. I especially don't want to text someone when they are driving, I mean you're driving, sorry, I refuse to accept that responsibility.
But, all that being said: I do have a phone. And, believe it or not, I do utilize some of its impressive technology:
Yep, I can use the notepad. Poorly, indecipherably most of the time. But I write them down for a reason, I'd guess. Sometimes late night , or in a hurry somewhere, or in the kitchen, olive oil smoking, fingers greasy. Lets just say sometimes that little tiny keyboard is APAININTHEASS. And, I think my memory is getting full, if that makes any sense to any one.
Now somewhere, in an alternate universe I am not capable of understanding, a fourteen year-old could easily transfer these notes to my computer, but, alas I live here, in my world, where nothing technological does it right. Oh I tried. I pushed the back of the phone against the PC tower and the printer and tried magic words, I considered for about two seconds removing the card thingee, but it's too small for me to even recognize it as, well, matter. I even tried a voice command, but it sassed back something about "invalidity" and "accepted commands."
So, honest to God, my first plan was to hand-copy all the notes, and then transfer them as I needed them. That's what the pad and pencil were for. However, my handwriting is ridiculous, so I decided that would be fruitless. The second, only slightly less stupid plan, was to take a picture of each note. I know, go ahead and laugh, there's like sixty of them. I considered then what may seem to be the only unstupid plan I concocted, writing them all into a document. But, whenever I try to transfer text from my, dare I say it, Word Document, to my Blogger platform it mysteriously changes. It's as though it went through some foreign editing exchange program and the fonts and spacing get all messed up. It's true...
So, this is my not-stupid-but-highly-suspect plan. I will write them down, here, for posterity and then I can delete, like that's a thing, them off the phone and start over.
In the interest of clarity and for my own sanity, I won't use quote marks, I think italics will do fine. I don't think we need dates and times either, at least I hope not. I will go in reverse chronological order, so the first is the most recent and I'll write them down as they appear on the phone, so, I guess just sic the whole damn lot. You need'nt stay, but, if you can stomach the grammatical massacre to come, stick around. It might be sort of revealing.
There'ss always something to consider (Well, there you have it, I have no idea what I meant by that... this is going well don't ya think?)
I am an infilltrator an anthropologist (Okay, I can work with that.)
He'll have to know the clutch. thi ll NOT a car safety (Yep, that's what it says.)
Lookitlookitlookit turns into "you don't have to watch us Dad (They were writing in journals on the roof of the shed when this came to mind.)
Things you didn't consider before you had like ethinicity kidss (Something about Scottish heritage and eyebrows as I recall.)
Karsch photographer. (I had a grand sweeping plan about coffee tables and Kindles and the library, I think - and injustice, but it evades me.)
Creat something posite PIF ("Posite" is very rare.)
Primordal diet = ? (Is this math or... I got nothing. It seems there was an analogy here somewhere.)
Savor the sentence. (That's a keeper.)
Infalilbilty is oxymoronic (No actually, not so much.)
I FLASHFORWARDED TO 1975 (This one's so good I shouted it, and, actually, I remember what I wanted to do with this; I'd think ahead to when my boys are the same age I was in 1975 and compare that to... well, it fell apart there.)
Ironically, keeping nick from freaking out about the siituation has kept me from having to deaal w/ it (That was a very bad day.)
Ican put words in row (Apparently with little or no clarity but as I recall, I was comparing myself to others and decided that at least I could write something. It seemed important at the time.)
PARTY! vs the verb "partying" (I can't remember if this was a superhero idea or a noun versus, more accurately, gerund, throwdown.)
It's a gun thing. (That was a very bad day.)
Stop pulling your gum That's a thing? (I think this was for Marci's "backseat" project.)
The Education of Ellery St. James (That's what it says... who knows?)
HEIRLOOM quality post title (That could go either way, a post title to hand down through the ages, or a post called "Heirloom Quality." Actually you will see this one soon.)
my mind life is going faster than the sp2ed fconvrsation (That's hilarious right there, that's a book title.)
About how endearing and painfully odd childhood seems (That's a little vague...)
No voice can hope to hum not evensing (Bob Dylan songs haunt me and that line has always mesmerized me, "...no voice can hope to hum.")
You need to look at your naybors as somedodt celebrating something else. (Expect this one soon as well.)
There's just too much to think about when you aree old 33 44 55 66 77 88. (Yepsure!)
THE VESPERS (Please let me mean the band and not something creepy.)
God amps up certain things (I stand fully behind that sentence.)
Kowtow to this catholic god with only the bewst intentions. (I have no idea who put that in these notes, and note the small 'c' catholic...)
Defined life or life defined (Well now, that's pretty good. It's a quote I'm sure.)
Modernist cuisine (It's a book title, or was it an Art term?)
I,ve no right to criticize halloweeeen whats not to like (Oooh, ooh! I did this one, but I'll be damned if I can find it.)
Onn my way to happinews paving (Indeed.)
Penn cook forest state park (It sounds lovely.)
Stumble forward advice you caan what s in front of you. the pask bakwwards is messy. (As messy as the the pask frunkwards, I would argue.)
Shit that sucked (I remember writing this, I was sad and thinking about all the things I'd been through, feeling sorry for myself. I wish there was more here, something redemptive.)
just like yoy (Norwegian, I'm guessing.)
Vision vs voice rember and think! (Oh, an exclamation point, something important, no doubt. Actually I do think quite a bit about vision and voice here. Oh, I remember, I was thinking that the vision I have here, a memoir and celebration of the boys, is best served in the conversationalist voice I utilize here. There might be more on that to come soon as well.)
Technology skips and jumps all over itself and milk pries soar. HHd tv s are free but i cant finid a decent steak. (Preach it, brother.)
I can pretend (Yes, Bill, you can pretend.)
n toad (This one really has me stumped, some code or cosmic numerology, if I crack it I'll give you a holler.)
I want that picture on the fridge until the day I die. Flanked by their Sr. picture. (I promise.)
We wake one of the boys. don't ask. sounds... strange (Ya think?)
Bookjacking (This one is actually kind of important. I had the notion that the characters I created in the beginning of a novel I started ten-plus years ago, get tired of the literary limbo they're in and take over the book and, their destinies.)
Some lives are small, containd (This is true and should be considered more carefully.)
This is happening in real time, waLk with me. (Now see, this is a good one. I use a video camera to tape myself as I go into the folder in which I keep drawings and crap the boys did when the were very little, randomly pick a couple things and blog about them. I don't really have a camera to do that though.)
Essayists = bloggers ('Nuff said.)
Camper needs: kitchen bags paper plates, ziplocks, plastick cutlery, solo cups (Some obscure code again, no doubt.)
Novel "we are taking this thig over." (See 'Bookjacking' above.)
So, who's gonna write it?
We all will.
we'll divide it into 4s
the truth, the myth uh, the enotional and the sexual.
I'll take the sexual they all said at the same time. (ibid.)
Hve you missed me? (Aw, so cute.)
Balsam Range (A band. Vague proof the 'THE VESPERS' thing wasn't so creepy after all.)
Blue nountain (ibid.)
Most of us fall some whhere in between, ?rangew e (I am just the stenographer, folks.)
Safety=Love (I'll go with that soon.)
Bragging, right? (A play on words I liked, I was going to play with rites and rights, as I recall.)
Holding hands v hands free (A vague reference to Rachel and her wonderful blog, no doubt.)
How am I gonna explain all this: Aids reagononics the wpa tolstoy (I must have used a word randomizer there in that last part. I mean has anyone every lined those words up before?)
The next riight thing (It's sort of a mantra of mine, perhaps I should explain that a little further someday.)
Sports helps men show and understand emotions (I probably wrote this through tears as I watched a beautiful baseball game.)
Your life looks busy and hectic and frankly joyless (I know what I meant, I probably shouldn't say anything else.)
Wholesolemnity (A nice word mashup, I think.)
Necer assume (You'll make a necer out of you and me.)
This whole f**king house is in second grade (Word.)
Styles of music, not songs (I'm not sure about this one.)
And fianlly, what seems to be my first note to myself:
Time sensitivity. what I wwrite is dependent on when Ai think my audience will see it (This is a difficult topic for me and merits a deeper look.)
So there, I'm done. I have revisited some good ideas and some real gibberish but, I am glad I did it.
Thanks for staying, that was nice of you...