Friday, May 11, 2012

The Blogarena

(It used to be the blogosphere, I changed it.)

When I first began spewing words out in to cyberspace I didn't yet understand what I was getting into.  I, uh, well... I came unprepared.  Didn't do my research, no scouting, no designer or adviser, no clear purpose, no vision.

It shows doesn't it.  Honestly, all the other blogs are better than mine.  If I'd had any idea how many blogs were out there and how good they could be, I would never have begun.

(Whispered aside: I'm going to cleverly just write their names and then you won't be tempted to go off to their blog when I 'd like you to stay.  Deploy evil ploy.)

I'll never be as good-hearted and noble as  Rachel.  She delicately preaches a way of life free from the technological devices that crowd our thoughts and steal our attention.  She's funny, too.  Yeah, she's all that, but does she have, Hap?

I think not.  Sure, she can write beautiful prose and lovely poetry; she may be fighting for a principle long unaddressed; she may believe in kids as strongly as I do, but hey, she doesn't have a yellow happy-faced Fweelie named Hap now does she?

I'll never reach the level of artistry that John Willey (if that really is his name) exhibits. Curse you LEGO-movie-making, sensitive-prose-writing, hilarious-story-telling, seemingly-really-nice-guy.  I'll bet you ain't got nothing like this:

Yep, Four Arms.  I know, not even fair fight, right.  John may have strangely poignant and well produced little  LEGO movies, a heart of both gold and humor, oh, and a really slick webpage, but I have an "alien divenger" (as N called him).

I'll never have the courage to write like brilliantly irreverent unnamed dude (I swear his name is not on his blog), so poignantly and frankly.  I spewed coffee laughing when I read a post of his recently.  I do however have this:

See, mind-blowingly irreverent content.  I can only compete with his clever and moving and really, really funny stuff by presenting...  Dildoboy.  (Spew-worthy enough, D&B?)

I'll never be as wholesome and sweet and, damn her, so very readable, as Julianna.  Whose blog both reminds me of my youth and helps me in surviving theirs.  She's got an incredibly clever montage of musical lyrics to tell her story and her observations are always spot on.  Hey, but, I've got this...

A table of fruit... my blog sucks.

I'll never reach the longevity and insane diversity of  Mr. Cactus, whose been "blogging from the right side of the dirt since 2003."  Oh shit, he probably coined the word 'blogosphere,' now he'll hate me.  He's posts are rarely long and pack more content than any of my long-winded, blah, blah, blah, blahbitty-blah blogs.  I'll never touch this guy with stuff like this:

Although it is pretty unusual, a hand-painted mushroom paper plate (they're rare), one week of his posts make any fungal retaliation futile, he's that good.

I'll never, ever be as funny as this crabby old fart is.  His cutting satire and use of diverse tools and styles is simply unprecedented.  I have laughed 'til I cried reading him.  He makes fun of young people these days and his blog should win a Pulitzer, or the blogarena equivalent.  His diatribes should be required reading for high-schoolers, scoot over Mr. Clemens, there's a new old guy in town.  This old dude writes on the intolerable way young people act, dress and behave these days and he doesn't hold back any punches, in fact he is holding roll of quarters in his fist, but, I ask you; does he have to put up with this kind of disrespectful hairbrainage?

I know, right!  Damn kids these days.  Rant all you want Mister Uber-cool-wrinkled-hand-on -the-zeitgeist old dude, I can show some outrage here, too.


Well, fortunately you will never see these good blogs, and don't go trolling for other blogs around the blogarena, some are just awful, trust me.

Wait, why are the bloggers names up there highlighted with that click-here orangy color?  Dammit, who did that?

Wait, I just hit publish, oh crap...


  1. This reminds me of something my parents taught me when I was a kid: no matter how good you are at something, there's always someone better. Which is meant to be inspirational - keep pushing yourself! - but really just makes me want to quit and maybe commit suicide, so...thanks Mom and Dad!

    Don't sell yourself short by the way. I can't draw half as good as you. And if Dildoboy doesn't get a movie soon, there's no justice in the world!

    Thanks for the mention!

  2. You are brilliant! I LOVE THIS! Thank you for making me smile, again and again.

  3. But alas... I have no fruit. Seriously, I have no idea what it is about this house but fruit just never keeps for a normal amount of time.

    Unless of course, it is a humongous strawberry dipped in dark chocolate. That keeps for a shelf life of about 34 seconds. Which is just enough time for me to eat it. :) Speaking of.... I'm wondering where my mother's day strawberries are...

    OH! And maybe dildo man can get a cameo appearance in one of Lego man's films? I'd pay to see that... well, in truth, my kids suck every penny out of me, so I'd have to see it in the dollar theater or wait for it to come out on Redbox. But still....

  4. Hey Bill love your musings about your boys. Read your comment over on Hands Free Mama...and just wanted to say Hello and Thank you! More boys need their dads present and accounted for! :)

  5. Well I do have a Lego guy with four arms... Thanks for the shutout Bill!